Ever have a day where people just frustrate you? When the things they do bother you more than they should? Enter today.
All day people have just been getting on my nerves. Not everyone, just the people who kinda get on my nerves already. You know who I’m talking about. The ones who rub you just the wrong way, and normally, you’re fine with it. You blow it off, scold yourself for being shallow, and proceed with a smile and an extra helping of friendliness. On a day like today however…
I’m tempted to just blow it off as tiredness. I got up early to study for a test (which turned out to be a fruitless endeavor) and didn’t get as much sleep as I needed, which means my social filters are not functioning as well as they normally do. Sometimes I wonder if the true McGill is the “I’m Hungry And Didn’t Get Enough Sleep Last Night So I’m Grumpy” McGill. I still struggle with the same thoughts when I’m not tired or hungry, I just have sense enough not to act upon those thoughts. But if I commit sin in my heart and not just by my hands, then I should take heed when God gives me the grace to see my sinfulness. And it is grace. Romans 1:28 tells us that God punishes by allowing people to remain in their sin, so conversely, if he’s not allowing you to remain in your sin, he is showing you grace.
Andy Stanley illustrates with a glass filled with blue beads. If someone bumps the glass, guess what comes out? So when someone bumps you, and you spill your beads everywhere, guess whose fault it is? You got it. They didn’t put the beads in you, they just bumped into you and got spilled on.
So, as I’ve been walking around spilling beads on people today, I need to stop and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me whats happening in my heart, because every action or emotion leads back to a heart belief.
So what has been happening? I think the Spirit’s showing me that the problem is grace, or the lack thereof. I’m struggling with having grace on other’s failures and shortcomings, so their actions are getting on my nerves. But I don’t think the answer lies there. It’s easy to see that I’m not having grace on others, what I need to know is how to start showing them grace. The Spirit also is showing me that I haven’t been giving grace to myself today. I’m not being the epitome of “christian maturity” that I’d like to be, and that frustrates me. We view everyone through the lens of how we view ourselves, so if I’m struggling to have grace on myself, who I love way too much, its gonna be a lot harder for me to have grace on others, who I don’t love enough.
So if the problem is a lack of grace, then the answer is grace. I need to see and understand the grace of God on me, because functionally I haven’t been believing it. How could I possibly show a lack of grace when I see how messed up I am and how much grace God shows me every moment of every day. He even has grace on me for how I haven’t been giving grace to others today. He has forgiven me of my gracelessness, and that I pointed my finger at him and said, “You’re not gracious.” My sinfulness today is not greater than the power of the cross. God has forgiven me and loves me the same as he would if I had responded perfectly to everyone.
The remedy? Well, I’m reading Romans 8 and I’m asking God to teach me about his grace and to help me believe it in my heart. I can’t do it on my own, and if I leave the power of the Spirit out of the equation, it looks helpless. But that’s my gospel need. If God doesn’t come through I’m screwed. My own strength is not enough. But his strength is made perfect in weakness. We see his strength for what it is when it accomplishes what we cannot.
It’s not perfect. People still get on my nerves, but not as bad. I still might spill some beads on you if you bump into me today, but I think I’ll be quick to apologize and genuinely sorry. That’s all I’ve got. Back to studying for my exam tomorrow.
